Asshole of the month: Sandy Hook Elementary Shooter By Rage Badass
Killing six adults and twenty children in an elementary school is a pretty big asshole move. But what’s an even bigger asshole move is killing a bunch of people ON A FRIDAY! Really?
You gotta pull that on the weekend? THE WEEKEND? The best part of the week!? Do you know how much weekends kick ass? You gotta ruin that? You know a new Pokémon game just came out, right? You couldn’t let those kids catch one last Oshawott?
Do it on a Monday! At least that way we wouldn’t be forced to pretend that Saturday Night Live is somehow still relevant just because they had a children’s choir sing a public domain German Christmas Carol. I mean, come on, Lorne Michaels, if you really cared you should spend some money and license a real song! Nothing says you are serious about a tribute like spending the $250,000 “Mad Men” paid to license “Tomorrow Never Knows”! I mean, fuck, Paul McCartney was right there! You could have just asked to use it for free and pretended you paid! And I know the song is from the album “Revolver” but wouldn’t that have been hilarious? Like in a real Andy Kaufman way? And really, Lorne Michaels, you couldn’t be bothered to include the Oregon Mall Shooting victims in that tribute? Did you just say, “Two dead? Fuck that. That’s not even enough to get Bob Costas out of bed before noon!”
Back to you, Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting guy, do you know what you did to that children’s choir? Those kids got to be on SNL, sing with Paul McCartney, AND be on the Today Show in a span of three days. What the hell can any of those kids do to top themselves now? Christ, once puberty hits they’ll be out of the choir! All they’ll have are those memories. Then one day a dude at the bar will be tired of listening to them and point out they only did all that cool stuff because a bunch of kids got murdered. Wouldn’t that suck? How would you feel if a bunch of kids had to die for you to be famous? Well, you probably wouldn’t feel very good at all!