Asshole of the Month: Oscar Pistorius By Bryan Miller

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Wayne Burfeind

February's Asshole of the Month is an inspirational tale of overcoming the odds to achieve glory. 

If most people grew up without legs in South Africa, they’d spend their afternoons on a tall stool trying to keep the races separated. But not Oscar Pistorius. This champion with a heart of gold and new legs of carbon fiber trained tirelessly for years until he transformed himself into a modern miracle, the first double amputee to compete in the Olympics. It was a heartwarming tale rendered somewhat less heartwarming last month when Pistorius shot his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp, at their home in Johannesberg. Pistorius claimed he thought she was an intruder, tragically, because he jumped to the obvious conclusion that a 105-pound blonde supermodel broke into his house and was going to murder him. Even though he played the odds on this one, he was wrong. Pistorius screwed up when he didn’t claim the most obvious defense: “It was the one-armed man!” How is this inspirational, you ask? It’s awfully goddamned inspirational if you’re not-quite-so-disgraced-now world champion Lance Armstrong. Sure, he cheated in a bike race and tricked us all into supporting the fight against cancer, but now we can put those shortcomings into perspective: At least he didn’t put four slugs in Sheryl Crowe. Congratulations, Lance Armstrong, thanks to February's Asshole of the Month, you’re once again an American hero.

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